One of my most memorable lessons in my own relationship dating an older guy, was when we travelled to Scotland in the early days of our relationship, we had travelled as we normally did, at that time I owned an old iPhone, it was probably 3 to 4 generations behind the current one, Mr. X had the latest one at the time.
As we went about our travels through Scotland, taking pictures, it was so apparent to me how different our pictures were. His, being taken on a new phone, were obviously sharp and of a better quality while mine and on the other hand were on a Nokia 3310 scope!
So every time we took pictures I would comment on how different the quality of our pictures was. Now, in all honesty, I didn’t think anything of it as I (constantly) made the comments about the pictures. Mr. X is naturally quiet, and I’m the chatterbox of our relationship. With that said, I can only imagine what was going on inside his head as I spoke about our iPhone differences. After a while of driving around and discovering Scotland, my very quiet composed Mr. X stopped the car, turned his whole body towards me and calmly said, If you are saying all this implying that I buy you an iPhone, forget it !!. The last girl I got an Iphone for treated me like I was a cash machine. Stunned I had no idea what had just hit me! I dint know what to say or how to read it in that moment…. mind you your girl is quick and thinks very well on her feet but this instant had me speechless for a few seconds with no reaction except blinking eyes..
Mr. X did not just leave it there, he continued… I told you I was looking for a girlfriend, love, not a sugar baby; then he calmly turned back to the steering wheel and drove off….
I was absolutely shocked, to say it felt like I had been hit by a 1000 ton truck would be an understatement!! You know when you go through a situation, you are not sure whether you are in a trance or what is happening! I literary had to shake my head a sec to wake myself up from this daze. “Excuse me, you said what?” I asked him now regaining my composure, getting my machine gun loaded and doing a quick risk assessment!
My ego was severely bruised! Not just because he had blatantly called me a gold digger, or like I was trying to hustle up an iphone from him, but I felt like he was under the illusion that he was some kind of prize in this relationship. I have never been so confused of my position in any relationship, as the girl/ woman I am always the prize.
Somehow due to the lack of knowlwdge from my predecessor, this man thought himself the Prize! But not only that, I also felt the need to correct things, that if he was to ever buy me anything as little as a drink and as big as a life itself, he should consider it an honour, that it is him treating me not a thousand other guys, who would give anything for that opportunity!
After gathering my thoughts (ammunition), I aligned and started firing. First, I knew I had to do it with class, and not look like he had hit a raw nerve with his truth from past experiences. I looked at him and asked him to pull over, to which he was surprised but obliged.
“Did you just call me a gold digger?” I asked. “Well not exactly, but you keep talking about this phone thing and I feel like I need to lay my cards on the table before we go any further” He replied. I looked at him and calmly said, “So you think if I was going to look for a sugar daddy I would want one to get me an iPhone?” I chuckled sarcastically and continued… I have standards, but just in case an iPhone was in fact an issue, I’m happy to assure you that I could have a dozen iPhones delivered to me, all I’ll have to do is text a few people. I wouldn’t have to waste my time even having a drink with them.”
I then continued to tell him how what concerned me the most from his unsavoury remarks is the fact that he seems to be bringing along some unresolved baggage from his past relationships. I told him (more like flipped on him) how I wasn’t looking to be a punching bag for the hurt he had experienced in the past. Truth be told, I really liked him at this point, we got on so well, I didn’t have to be anything else but myself around him and that is a MUST for me in a relationship, I’d figured that life is too short to have to suck in every time I was with him, or having to wear a full made face every time I had to spend time with him.
I could just be myself, sometimes the village girl would come to play and sometimes the elegant lady would take the wheel and drive, most of the times the clueless ( history , geography, math’s, literature :/) girl would roam free and ask questions to sharpen my knowledge, so when he hit me with this nonsense I was taken back!
Anyway after a somewhat apology from him and a serious talk about where he was coming from with all that and where I stood on my part, we both had to find a balance in dealing with the fact that he felt that perhaps because of our age difference, that he was being taken advantage of. I told him it wasn’t my duty to keep reassuring him that I was truly with him because I like him FULL STOP! He had to deal with this himself but one thing I knew for sure is I wasn’t going to be punished for someone else’s sins. I told him I was more than happy to take a break from the relationship so we could both deal with our issues.
I think that struck him, he hadn’t expected that from me at all. He looked at me and said “ I think I’ve made a stupid mistake, I’m sorry” he went on to tell me that the iPhone didn’t mean anything at all to him but he wanted to be loved just as a human being and not a provider or a means to an end, and this I fully understood. Nevertheless, I still sulked for a little while. But something happened on that little Loch, a mold was broken! The honest, adult, logical, all cards on the table, uncomfortable conversation we’d just had brought us together in a way we didn’t expect. It felt good, we looked at each other even though my ego had not recovered yet, and it felt good. I felt in my heart that he was the one. I felt I loved him at this point…. (Of course I didn’t tell him, I needed my ego to recover first, lol).
We went on to enjoy a lovely walk by the Loch, ( I wish for the life of me, I could remember the name), he kept asking me if I was still sulking , to which I said NO, and he laughed and teased me for the rest of the day.
We spent 4 more nights in Scotland, hiking, driving through meadows, discovering little towns and villages, and also establishing the need to eat when you find a fish and chip because there is no telling when next you’ll find food! We became friends! Like we had known each other for a long time! Nothing bonds people like spending quality time together, it’s always the simple things.
Four days later as I returned home, I was surprised to find a package addressed to me, to my surprise, a latest Iphone with a note that read “I Hope to be the only one to ever give you an iPhone or buy you a drink from now onwards”, I laughed, this has now become a joke every time we have a drink, dinner….